With Us All
by firerwolf
Summary: Kaidan tries to deal with the loss of Shepard. Synthesis ending.


With Us All

Kaidan sat at the table in the cafe. It felt like so recently that he'd sat here with Shepard and they'd both admitted that they felt the same way. He looked over to the empty chair beside him and sighed. There was a pit in his stomach; one that he knew could never be filled. They'd never be able to sit here together again, look out at the presidium, and enjoy a good sandwich. There would be no future trips up to Shepard's room for less innocent intentions than just a drink.

"Major Alanko, I am surprised to find you here." Kaidan looked over his shoulder and spotted EDI as she approached his table. "How are you today?"

Kiadan wasn't exactly sure how to answer that. He supposed he should be honest with her. "Not too good. Sometimes I have days where I miss Shepard so much nothing can seem to make me feel better."

"Do you mind if I sit?" EDI asked. Kaidan motioned toward the seat and she took it. "Shepard made a great sacrifice. Because of that sacrifice organically and synthetics can finally live together in peace. Why does this make you sad?"

"It is t that," Kaidan tried to explain. "It's that I sleep in a bed for two alone, that I'm sitting here at lunch without Shepard. It would be like if suddenly Joker were gone."

"I understand what you mean. Even if Jeff gave his life for something good I would be sad over his passing. Do you often feel sad like this?" she asked.

"Not usually, but if I do something triggers it. Before the attack on Earth Shepard and I met up here. I admitted how I felt and Shepard admitted to feeling the same. Right here we became a pair and now in alone, again." Kaidan sighed. "It just brought back memories, and images and Shepard and I sitting here and enjoying a life together. I know I shouldn't think about that kind of thing but I can't help it."

"You love Shepard so it is reasonable to have these feelings. The wound is still fresh but hopefully in time you will focus on the time you and Shepard had together." EDI reached over and gently touched his arm. "The one thing I can be sure of is that you were chosen to be a Spectre not because Shepard trained you but because you were strong, and you are strong enough to carry on."

"Thanks, EDI, I hope you're right. I'm tired of going to Horizon and feeling regret, or visiting Rannoch and thinking of Shepard. Hell, the Krogan are thinking of starting a new squad of elite soldiers and calling them Shepard Squad." Kaidan sighed to himself. "I just can't stop missing Shepard. There are too many footprints of the Commander all over the galaxy."

EDI was silent for a moment. "Jeff does not believe that the Commander is gone," she finally said. "I often find him talking to himself and he says that he's talking to Shepard."

"So he talks to Shepard like the Commander's a ghost? Never thought of Joker as being superstitious in that sort of way."

"That is not what he believes. Jeff's theory is that Shepard is in all of us because the Commander's energy was joined with that of the crucible. That energy changed us all, is inside us, which Jeff believes has connected us all to Commander Shepard forever."

Kaidan looked down at his arm and the lines of glowing free that were the synthesis of organic and synthetic life that now resided in every living thing. "So Joker thinks that this is Commander Shepard?"

"Yes, that is Jeff's theory. I am not sure if he believes so because he wants to or he thinks it is true. He says it is also a comfort to think that Shepard is able to see peace."

Kaidan nodded at that last part. After Akuze and what had happened on Mindoir the Commander deserved to know what peace was like. His hand reached over to run along the lines of green. "This synthesis is a gift from Shepard. In a way it is a part of the Commander, touching all life and fixing our problems, like always."

"That was Shepard's great skill. Able to bridge even the widest gaps." EDI shifted suddenly. "Oh, I almost forgot." She pulled something out and handed it to Kaidan. "Jeff thought you would want this." She stood from the seat. "Have a good lunch, Major."

Kaidan watched her leave before looking to the device. He activated and was surprised by the image. It was the Normandy crew from their fight against Saren. In the dented stood the Commander, Garrus to Shepard's left, Wrex beside him. On the right stood Kiadan, Liara to his right and then Tali. Joker was sitting in his chair, smiling, and Doctor Chakwas kneeling beside him. They were all smiling, riding high off their victory over the rogue Spectre. Shepard stood tall in the picture, brown hair cut the same as Kiadan always remembered. Blue eyes still held the determination to stop the Reapers, the same that would cause Shepard to make a choice in the end. Kaidan sighed and looked out at the presidium before looking down to his arm. "We're all carrying you with is so you can see what you did. What you gave us. You made such a sacrifice to give us this future and here I am moping. I'm sorry, Shepard. I promise to take advantage if what you've given me." He smiled slightly as he could have sworn the lines pulsed a bit faster. "I miss you but I'll carry on, the way you would have." His fingers gently ran over his own skin, wishing t was Shepard's. "you told me about everything that had happened with you and Liara, and with Jack, and I never minded it. I have to admit I feel a bit weird about sharing you with the galaxy but I guess I've always been sharing you with all life. I'm just lucky that I got to have you in the end, and now I have you forever." Kaidan kept his hand on his arm and looked out toward the beautiful view. "I love you, John, and I always will."


End file.
